Hello,

I've been dealing with the following issues for as long as I can remember. I'm in my mid 30s, deal with Depression, Anxiety, and what I believe is Ergophobia.
I am on medications and have been "stable" on the them for years but I have a horrible time with my life and future. Right now due to moving to another state I can't see a therapist or psychiatrist right now. I do think I need talk therapy.
My biggest problem is that I work in the healthcare field and while I make good money IF I work, I have a problem going to work. I call in sick all the time as I'm scared to go. Everything about the work scares me. When I've actually gone, I feel OK most of the time during my shift. I do good work there and while there's stress, I don't have anxiety at work. But most of the time I never get to work so I strengthen the workplace phobia by not going.
Some people say maybe the job I do is too stressful. No one really understands it. The thing is, I have low self-esteem and think I'm not good at most things. I DO, however, believe I am really good at my job! So then why don't I just go every day I'm scheduled and make good money?
My parents have helped me out financially for YEARS and they're sick of it and I'm sick of it. They aren't going to be around very much longer and I feel sick for how much I've taken from them. I sometimes wonder if I don't go to work because I think I can fall back on them should I need money since they've come through so many times. I have rent to pay, car payment, credit cards, and other things. If I don't pay rent, I will lose my apt and have not idea what will happen. My Dad has already said he will not be able to help me again with the rent like he helped me last week so I will be SOL if I don't start going to work.
I know I need therapy and all that but I'm hoping some folks on here can be give me some good tips I can really focus on to help me get in gear and start to get better.
What am I so scared of about work? I'm not exactly sure...part of it is I am fearful of the idea of being away from my home for a whole shift. Part of me is afraid I will be too overwhelmed at work and will freeze and not be able to move. (That has never happened before.) Part of me worries I will make a mistake that will cost me or the patient. Part of me worries I will be seriously reprimanded or talked about behind my back. (I think this happens to everyone everywhere.) For the amount of fear I have you'd think I might believe I was going to die if I went to work but my rational brain knows that barring a homicidal person wielding a machete through my workplace suddenly, I won't die.
I have a lot of great things in my life but can't enjoy most of them due to all this anxiety. Sorry for the length of the post, but thanks for reading it.

Me