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So sorry things are at that stage for you. The stage where desperate actions override the survival instinct. Will they at least keep you at the hospital for a time? Intensive outpatient program? It seems you need more help than you are getting.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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