It's been nearing 2 years, and it seems like everyone on here is a war veteran when it comes to depression. I just want to be happy. I want to succeed. I want to get good grades and make myself proud. But I can't.

My life is a cycle of making a goal, not doing it, getting more depressed, losing hope, crying, feeling better, and so on. No matter how much I want something, I find it so ****ing impossible to do, studying for a test, doing homework, is so hard.

It just keeps happening over and over again, and I'm starting to think it's better to give up now before getting my hopes squashed down over and over again. I'm going turn out as a failure anyway, looking at the way things are going. Why not just accept it and make everything a little easier?

I've given up on the hope that I will change and one day I'll start becoming a hardworking student like I once was. Im so ****ing done with that hopeless ****. I don't want to delude myself anymore.