I have noticed that lately a lot of threads on here are focused on people who are either struggling in their relationship with their T or who don't know if they should continue seeing their current T. I thought it might be helpful if those of us who are happy with how things are going with our therapists talk about signs that things are working. How do you know that your T is helping you? What makes a good "fit" for you? How long did it take to feel comfortable with your current T? Seeing a diversity of experiences might help other people sort out what is just normal difficult therapy stuff and what is a bad fit (or an incompetent T).

I know that my T is not perfect (and have told her so, to which she just smiled and nodded in agreement), but I think our personalities are a good match. One thing that I really appreciate about her is that she can sense when it's better not to push me. Sometimes when I am really upset about something, I know that the natural response would be to try to talk me out of it (or talk about strategies to change my thoughts or whatever), and instead she will often just sit with me, draw out more of what I am feeling, and basically show me that my feelings are tolerable by being able to tolerate them alongside me.

I also like that she has good boundaries, even though sometimes I hate that she has good boundaries. I never get the sense that my therapy is not about me, even if I'm the one trying to draw attention to her. She has neutral reactions to my big emotions (never seeming angry or upset or frustrated), and she only tells me what she is feeling if she thinks it would be helpful to me. Sometimes I wish our relationship could feel more like we are friends, but then I think about how I can be so open/vulnerable with her, and it's because her boundaries make it very clear that our relationship is a therapeutic one. There isn't any confusion about each of our roles. That doesn't mean that she doesn't occasionally share things with me, but she does it in a very deliberate way that makes it clear that my needs come first.

Outside contact has turned out to be really important for me, so I'm glad she does it, although I don't know that it would have been a problem if that wasn't something she offered. I think I would have just made slower progress. I have been seeing my T on and off (mostly off) for about six years. My most recent (and most intense) stint in therapy with her has been going on for about a year.