I think it's one of my sneaky ninja strategies in my life too, to shift attention to the other person's needs to try to take care of them or at least to try to distract them from getting too close to me. There have been times when I have tried to speculate about how she must feel about whatever I am telling her (bored, angry, etc.), and she has gently turned the focus back to me without saying how she felt. Usually with something like, "It sounds like you're worried that I am judging you right now. Where is that coming from?" Later on she might say that she felt sad that I assumed she couldn't accept me or something, if it was clear I still needed reassurance, but the strategy to talk about her feelings instead of mine basically never works.

I am also intensely curious about her life (because of my strong attachment to her), and she is pretty slow/hesitant to satisfy my curiosity. So I know there are personal questions that she won't answer, even if I ask. (I'm talking about stuff about her inner emotional life, not basic questions like if she's married, whether she has kids, etc.) I used to get upset about her not answering, mostly because then I felt dumb for asking in the first place, but now I am much more comfortable that me attempting (and failing) to cross a boundary doesn't mean that she doesn't like me.

As she has gotten to know me better, she has shared a little bit about herself, but in circumstances where I know she is telling me because it's relevant to my therapy. I can't really get too much more specific about that without it getting more personal than I am comfortable with, but I think it's sufficient to say that she has never shared something that has burdened me or kept me from feeling like I can tell her things. I also feel totally comfortable talking about how I feel about what she has shared, if that makes sense. It's all "grist for the mill" or whatever. I don't think she would get upset if I had some kind of negative response to something she shared.