When I came back to work a couple weeks ago after a month off to deal with psych crap, my boss bought me a bear. I collect them, so I appreciate she has noticed that much about me to speak to it. It was a little bear sitting in a teacup. At the end of the teabag string was a life preserver, and on the teacup it said, "Keep your chin up!"

Today she decided to play Santa and brought me and the other guy gifts. He hasn't opened his yet. I opened mine right before lunch. I knew by the heft of it that it was going to be a coffee mug. (As she correctly noted, "you drink a lot of coffee." :-) When I pulled it out, it was all birds in nests, and ivy, and a flowerpot, and it says "It's the Little Things That Make a Happy Life."

Now. She tries very hard to understand and deal with my mental health crap. But it's stuff like this that makes me think she just doesn't "get it." I mean, if I could get rid of my depression by smiling 50 times a day, don't you think I'd do it?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gestures; they're both very kind of her, and I know she's trying. Someone pointed out to me that the mug concentrates on living, growing things -- signs of hope. Fair enough. I just don't appreciate the "you have to make a decision to be happy" crowd. Ain't no decision-making in my disease. In fact, just yesterday I was telling my pdoc that lately I've been able to go from perfectly fine to horribly depressed literally in a second. I'll be sitting there just fine, and a second later I'll be sitting there going, "God, I'm sad." He said it was biologically based and I'd just have to deal with it.

Let me reiterate that I'm grateful for the thoughtfulness. But at the same time, it kind of points up to me that she doesn't really understand all the stuff I've been trying to educate her on. Am I being selfish/mean/ungrateful/all of the above/???

Candy