Such an interesting thread. I recently found a new T after my old one abruptly dumped all his patients. This week was session 5. (Which is coincidentally, as long as I made it with old T.) Old T + current T are the only times in my life I've been in therapy.

Anyhow--I think the response to this question can have lots of different answers for different people. For me, my current T is amazing and I felt a true connection from day 1. Old T, I constantly felt defensive and pitied. This new T, he's empathic, but I don't feel pitied or defensive. I feel much more like its someone walking this path with me. Not leading, not demanding respect (like old T who was arrogant), just kind. Me personally, I'm exploring abuse from my childhood for the first time in my life, so I need kindness and empathy. I was slow to trust this new T (I'm slow to trust people in general)--but I found myself opening up much quicker than I had in the past. I even cried a little in my 4th session, which is HUGE for me--I hate showing emotions in front of others!

I have a friend who works as a counselor and she talks a lot about patient/ therapist connection--that you could have someone who is great but that you just don't click with. Me personally, I wanted a psychologist (I see a clinical psychologist) and one who is male (I'm female). I'm discussing my abusive mom for the first time and I realized I couldn't talk to a female or anyone I could subconsciously view in a mother role. I also wanted someone whose beliefs approximately lined up with mine (I was looking for a T who doesn't take a religious/ spiritual approach.)

I also really like that my current T talks very little. He asks insightful questions (I don't know how he can dig to the heart of something so quickly!), but talks very little otherwise. It's funny--this week I asked my T what he was drinking out of his to go coffee cup, and he said tea--that his voice is scratchy from talking too much, which he felt like was a very bad thing! I thought this was charming. My old T, I was constantly getting lectured with his theories, which were totally off base. So I enjoy a T who gives me more room to talk.

Anyhow, for me, I knew I had a good fit when I realized how comfortable and at ease I felt, and how I felt like I have someone to walk along side me in this journey. I immensely enjoy therapy now, and look forward to our time each week. This is T #3 for me, and apparently third time was the charm!