omg you sound so much like me, MessyD. I too have a big problem with anger in the same way - i can't stand being angry, i will sacrifice myself time and time again to stop someone else being angry with me, always take the blame for everything, etc. I hope that you are able to do better with it than i have, and talk about how you feel with your t before you get to where what happened to me happens - see, I too recently got angry at my t - this was just on wednesday - altho in my case, it was a huge blow-up and i said terrible things to her like "i hate you" and a lot of other things and honestly i have never fought with anyone like that in my entire 55 years of life - ever. not with anyone - siblings, husband, friends, not anyone. i called her yesterday to try to start making sense of it and to see if we were as completely broken as it felt. i still don't know if we're irretrievably broken or not and neither did she. but we agreed to talk about it next time i go. it was really awful and i would not wish that for anyone. best to you!