I'm sorry that your mom has cancer. Most cancer is just bad luck, it even says that in this article:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/a...from-bad-luck/

Could your mom/relatives have said some of these things because they are scared for you and sad/mad/scared themselves? Extreme fear and anger drive people to attempt suicide (that is what sent me over the edge).

The truth about cancer and suicide is that we want to be able to control the uncontollable but we just can't. My attempt made a mess of things and yours could too. It is not as easy to kill yourself as you think and people are already in so much pain from you mom's bad news. I am lucky I did not end up paralyzed or something worse than death.

Please talk about this here or to someone who can help you. Most of the time, suicidal thoughts are far from rational, especially since you have your whole life in front of you. Wait before doing anything. Sometimes things aren't as bad if we survive the night and get some sleep. I believe the best reparations you could make is to live your life well--whether she sees it or not. (But since I think there is life after death--I think she will see it.) I view that as going to school, gaining a skill, and/or getting a job. There is dignity in work, whether it is through self employment or working for others. Check out this audio book I posted:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/step...lf-esteem.html

Rose has some very good advice as well.

It is understandable that you are not rational--you just got some very shocking news. It may be impossible to see your way forward while you are processing this but your life is going to go on--I promise it will and that you will eventually make sense of this though it will take time...