I've been thinking about how to try to answer this post. The closest I can come to describing my higher power is to say that it is nature. When I was a little kid, my mom, who was deeply spiritual, always told me that the sound of the wind in the trees was God talking. When I look around and see all the diversity and beauty in nature I have to believe in a higher power, certainly something's greater than me. I'm still struggling with the idea of prayer and I guess of having a personal higher power that I can lean on, so for now I'm not worrying about it. I start everyday by just asking the universe to help me, and I say thank-you every night for getting through the day without drinking or cutting. Sometimes when I'm meditating I get a warm feeling, like I'm being held and taken care of. I like to think of that being my higher power expressing herself. I definitely think of my higher power in femine terms. I also have trouble with "letting go and letting god..." but that's my own hang up as a control freak, which gets me into a lot of trouble and a fear of putting my trust into something. I know fear holds me back a lot.

One of my favourite books is Mathew Flinder's Cat, by Bryce Courtney, and it deals in part with a long term hard core alcoholic getting sober. He chooses as his higher power a cat (The one from the title) and in one of my favourite parts of the book - he says he hears a cat's voice telling him, that he's just running away again. So I guess I'm trying to say it doesn't matter what your higher power is, as long as you recognize that there is a strength greater than you on your own, that you can rely on.

--splitimage