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Today I'm repeating the same pattern. Lots of caffeine and nicotine, lots of activity and external stress and a complete denial of anything I might be feeling. There's a strange sort of madness that goes with this, like you feel yourself ready to snap but that's a risk I'm used to.

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Yes
And unless you have been on that edge of depression, you cannot possibly understand. It's the worse feeling, hope gone, desperate, out of control. Then some frog of little brain meekly utters "hold on"