Good on you, Skeksi. I am experiencing something similar and have just realized how important it is for every single member of my family to play the game. We all live our lives denying the truth to each other and ourselves and when any one of us does something different the whole entangled mess unravels and everyone scrambles to restore the tangled binds again. Its time for me to take a closer look at this, i think because I only just realised this morning that if i didn't spend my entire life trying to live within the rules so as not to upset the implicit agreement of mutual denial then my life would be completely different. It would be free.
One of the things that keeps me playing the rules of the game is to avoid becoming that dissolving panicky mess in the corner. There is too much fear caught up in breaking the rules, too much uncertainty, too much at stake.
So I just want to say I see your panicky mess in the corner and I acknowledge you for your bravery. It is brave thing you do and it is also a good thing. I see you there.