I don't know where else to put this and on top of all the other stuff this week I can't deal. Duchess said she would be mad if I didn't call her before I thought about it so I did and she hasn't responded and in a mess and feel sick and this sucks.

My mother just called my work phone (which she always claimed she didn't have) and left a voice mail. I listened because it came in through work and I didn't realize who it was from. I wish I could post the audio here. I am crumbling and trying to not go to dark places but I'm so confused and feel like I'm betraying her and ruining her life.