I'm going to make a very long story as short as possible. I could probably have posted this in many different forums. But I think it belongs in the emotional category. It's about dealing with very intense emotions. After 30yrs of a tumultuous marriage, for many different reasons, I was asked to leave my home. I did. I learned how to survive on my own. It wasn't easy. I went through a lot of changes. NO one in my family wanted to talk to me. Nobody cared if I lived or died. Because of a technical situation I had to continue contact at times with my ex. This led to a " possible getting back together situation " because " I had changed so much ". Of course all the problems of my life and family life were " my fault ". I was lonely so I went back. What I discovered was that the only person that changed was me. So after a full reinvestment back into my previous life here I sit , disillusioned, hurt, and confused. She won't go to couples therapy with me to discuss the issues. If I kept my feelings to myself and played the game everything would be fine. I just can't hold back how I feel. Right now I'm paralyzed . I can just leave . I have no friends. It would be a cold stone start over. Alone. I'm beginning to feel that that's the way it should be. I don't want much. Just true love and affection. If I can't get that , then I want to be alone and not have to deal with all the issues connected with being around people that have only their own agendas in mind. And just easily discard my feelings.
Much has been left out but I think you get the picture. She won't even discuss a way to deal with this. No communication. Just like before.
God , this really hurts.