i think you need to ask yourself why you want that. do you honestly want it? or do you want it because thats what youre told to want? holding yourself back will only create resentment towards yourself and the gay community. you need to observe all options and i think maybe youre scared because people around you don't like that lifestyle. ever seen or read death of a salesman? thats about what wanting the "american dream" can do to a person. i think you need to reexamine exactly what you want and find whats right for you.