It sounds like you've done everything right, and if that wasn't enough, then maybe it is time to leave the situation. You were strong enough to try to work on yourself, that much is apparent by her willing to bring you back. But if she is not able or willing to take responsibility for her share of the problems in your marriage, then it comes to a point where you need to disengage lest you be sucked back in to the old pattern of doing things. Maybe a shock like that will make her realize she has work to do, as well. When everything is broken, sometimes starting from scratch is the healthiest thing for us, and it's never too late to rebuild your world. Wishing you love and healing. <3