Hi, Ellah. I know this is not right but it's the only way I know how to get a hold of you. I don't know why you have blocked me out of your life, but I just want to let you know as I sit here and a good friends son has passed away. I just want to let you know that I pray for your daily and I hope you're doing well. I love you so much. I just want you to know that. I love you. No matter what happens I wish for all your happiness. I hope you're happy and I love you and I don't know what else to say. I just hope you're happy. Good bye, I won't bother you anymore.

^^mothers voice mail. I can't. Then my father texted me this morning (because I had let him know that I had changed my phone number:

Dad: So does this mean your mom don't have your number?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Oh, wow. Ok
Dad: I love you and I know you hav some issues to work out but I think that's going a little too far.
Me: I can respect that you feel that way, but this is my decision. Love you too.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo done with family. You would think I was a teenager and not a 30 year old woman. Seriously. I Can't.

Duchess never got back with me. I hate life. I hate everything about it except my puppies, husband, sister, and sometimes Duchess.

WTF do I do? I don't know anymore. I feel so confused. Everyone is telling me to keep her no contact, but it feels so wrong and I don't honestly know what the right thing is. So I'll sit here and keep crying at my desk wishing all of this never happened.