I'm also stuck in this cylce, for so long. I haven't really gotten out of it, ever.

I think you're on the right track, like the people above say. It starts with becomming aware of what you are doing. Continue with that and maybe write it down every day.
Then there are several ways to continue. And don't know all. But you could challenge those thoughts. I've a book, but it dutch, but there are English book out there. And maybe fill-in forms on the internet. You look at a thougth and ask questions to challenge that thought, see that it isn't the truth, but a thought. And then you replace it with helping thoughts. Something like that.
Another way is to do this with schema therapy. Then you also get that stuff of healthy adult, inner child, happy child, angry child, punishing parent...