I feel comfortable saying that I have turned my actions/life to god type love many many years ago.."best I can for now"..but still have discontent with myself

I am afraid that belief in only the bible and the cross condmen every other belief though...so i can not go along with these specific scriptures that pretain to this condemnation..even if it sends me to hell

I dont feel unforgiven since I dont know exactly what i believe yet.....
I just don't like to feel pressure from almost all christan denominations around me in real life.. to say after being reborn that I "know" I am going to heaven...to fit in with all the christans around me..but feel i am as well or better versed about the cross/bible/scriptures.... as allot I have been around .
and I feel outcast and alone on my spiritual journey "in real life".....ie at work in the religious community etc
my wife btw ..is a firm bible beliver..though not as strick/religious as most...since her Itailan grandparents are catholic..though she is not..and does not really ask or talk about religion much

I just think that I need to have a since of humility in the sight of Jesus if ever there is this point in time of judgment, and hope I am worthy and my name is in the book of life...not know I am worthy....one of my main problems with the southern baptists,pentecostles,etc,etc...that I am in contact with....many seem to think this means I'm not reborn then..if I cant give the answer they want to the #1 question

I just want to go through the narrow gate if this is something real...with the few. and not play on every word of the many..that almost always condemn most of the rest

thanks for the kind reply...

not trying to build a tower to heaven here .....just babble'n..sorry all