Talked to spouse. I screwed up there too. He doesn't feel important, he feels out of the loop, he's jealous duchess knows more than him. He's jealous there isn't anything he can do - there isn't anything anyone can do, not even duchess. I try opening up but he doesn't handle it well and it's easier for me to not talk to him than it is to talk to him.

I **** everything up and cause everyone worry and concern and hardship.

I hate me.