Hi.
I am 4 months into losing my therapist to whom I was overly attached and who was my anchor and a part of my identity.

Don't try to make sense of anything right now. You're going to grieve. Don't try to avoid the grief. Try to make yourself safe while you grieve. Find support - preferably multiple suppliers of support so that you are not getting it all from one place.

Eat well, sleep, get medication if you need to, be gentle with yourself. Do things that comfort you. Spoil yourself a little.

I know you feel like you are dying, but I'm here to tell you that you will survive this. There will come a day when you feel better. I promise. But, don't rush it. Don't set a timeline for yourself. It's going to hurt for as long as it hurts. Some days may be better than others. The grief may come and go... you may think you're done with it, and it will wallop you suddenly again.

That's ok. That's grieving. It's going to be ok. Come here. Lean on a new therapist. Maybe find a therapy group you could join as well. (These are all things I did, thus why I suggest them.) Spread your arms out looking for that support.