I agree with ChildofChaos. When looking back at things that i have done, or even now things i want to say to someone. I find that writing it all down then either deleting it, buring the paper helps me to control myself. I do feel better after. Hoping that someday you have a chance to reconcile with the childs mother. Keep in mind though it might never happen. But either way you must get it right so it doesnt consume all of your thoughts.

Good luck,

John