Thanks so much for the support!

Day 1:
It's a doozy! I found out last night after posting this that my ex-girlfriend started dating again. This is tough because although we were "only" together for 4 months she was the best girlfriend/partner I've ever had by far. When she told me we needed to split a few weeks ago we agreed it was for the best because I had some things I needed to work out on my own. We also agreed that reconnecting in the future was a possibility once I got my stuff sorted out. I don't blame her at all for not "putting her life on hold" for me but it still really hurts knowing that I may have blown my chance for being in a relationship with this amazing woman. Late last night I said "enough is enough" and I emailed my 3 closest friends and spilled my guts about all my struggles over the years. They each know some but they don't know the extent I've struggled with alcohol, anxiety and depression. I figure I don't have much left to lose so I might as well take my chances and ask for their support. I just can't deal with the loneliness, despair and drinking anymore.

I haven't checked my email yet today because I'm too anxious to see if my friends have responded. One friend called and left a voicemail and I'm too nervous to listen to it. I also sent my ex gf a message last night and I'm too nervous to check if she replied. I have to go to work in a little bit so I think I'll hold off checking any of these messages until at least after work. Hopefully work will be a nice distraction during this really rough day.

In other news, I'm pretty anxious about being able to get any decent sleep tonight (this is a frequent source of anxiety for me). I slept until 1pm today and I have to work at 9:45am tomorrow. I may not be able to fall asleep until 5am or 6am tonight and then I'll have to go to work after just a few hours of sleep. Add on top of that that I can't drink much tonight because if I do I'll sleep through my alarm and miss work. Ugh!

Ok, I'm going to take my dog for a run, shower, and get ready for work. Hopefully I'll feel better because right now I just want to bail on my job and hide from the world!