Quote:
Originally Posted by justnow
Thanks so much for the support!
Day 1:
It's a doozy! I found out last night after posting this that my ex-girlfriend started dating again. This is tough because although we were "only" together for 4 months she was the best girlfriend/partner I've ever had by far. When she told me we needed to split a few weeks ago we agreed it was for the best because I had some things I needed to work out on my own. We also agreed that reconnecting in the future was a possibility once I got my stuff sorted out. I don't blame her at all for not "putting her life on hold" for me but it still really hurts knowing that I may have blown my chance for being in a relationship with this amazing woman. Late last night I said "enough is enough" and I emailed my 3 closest friends and spilled my guts about all my struggles over the years. They each know some but they don't know the extent I've struggled with alcohol, anxiety and depression. I figure I don't have much left to lose so I might as well take my chances and ask for their support. I just can't deal with the loneliness, despair and drinking anymore.
I haven't checked my email yet today because I'm too anxious to see if my friends have responded. One friend called and left a voicemail and I'm too nervous to listen to it. I also sent my ex gf a message last night and I'm too nervous to check if she replied. I have to go to work in a little bit so I think I'll hold off checking any of these messages until at least after work. Hopefully work will be a nice distraction during this really rough day.
In other news, I'm pretty anxious about being able to get any decent sleep tonight (this is a frequent source of anxiety for me). I slept until 1pm today and I have to work at 9:45am tomorrow. I may not be able to fall asleep until 5am or 6am tonight and then I'll have to go to work after just a few hours of sleep. Add on top of that that I can't drink much tonight because if I do I'll sleep through my alarm and miss work. Ugh!
Ok, I'm going to take my dog for a run, shower, and get ready for work. Hopefully I'll feel better because right now I just want to bail on my job and hide from the world!
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Wishing you the best - that is a lot to deal with on top of quitting drinking, and you are so brave and strong for taking it all on! I had a really hard time sleeping when I was quitting drinking and when I did sleep I had rampant nightmares. I found that using mild OTC sedatives like Kava Kava (tea or supplement), Valerian Root (tea or supplement), or even Zzzquil helped get me past the worst of it. Cannabis also helped immensely through that phase but that can also exacerbate problems from some people, so make sure you do your research if you're interested in going that route. Good luck!!