I do a great deal of rehashing negative social situations in my own mind too. One of the things I do though is follow my own advice to them; namely, calm down. I then try to reconsidered what transpired through the others' points of view. What perhaps was their own lead-up to the situation and how might have they been triggered. What could I have done differently. Only then will I, if I feel it necessary or a point to make doing so, will I respond. Email tends to be my preferred choice of communication in such cases.