I'm feeling extremely depressed. It's not even situational anymore, although I feel bad that all of the sudden I'm pushing people away. I don't mean to, it's just that I am lacking energy and feel super sad. Usually, I'm the one others can always count on. I've reached my breaking point, and I feel bad about it. I hate letting others down when I am feeling this way. I keep crying, I can barely eat, I don't see anything getting better.

Then there's paranoia that people are going to give up on me or are mad at me, since it's hard for me to be "there" for them in the way that I want to be. I think on and off I've had these feelings that others have the intention to hurt me in some way recently. Maybe there's a little paranoia involved, or my way of protecting myself. I'm having very self-destructive thoughts now aimed towards myself that are really intense. I have even thought about IP, but I really want to avoid it, if I can. I don't know how to get rid of the feeling so horrible about myself. Where do I even begin?