tree..hi..
First I want you to know i am an alcoholic..I had 8 years sober once and went thru the "steps" reluctantly..when we got to the part of "amends"...I balked at it big time..

And most of my apologies I treated like a checklist and people that know me...knew I was just aplogizing because that is what the rules said...lol...

I don't know how long you were a nanny to the child.

But, I can tell you feel so hopeless over this situation and I get it you are hurting and...you are owning YOUR PART in the situation...BUT..I can look at it like this..it was "Blanks" birthday...why wasn't the mother with the child? And you did so many positive things probably prior to this day and on this day and you are focusing on the one thing that was bad..and yes, it was really bad.

But, the mother did the right thing for her family due to the condition you were in at the time...you were "sick".

Children are resilient I'm sure the child misses you or missed you for a period of time..how old was the child at the time?

Cause maybe the child wouldn't remember you..my mother says we don't remember things before the age of 6...The child is safe....for yourself..I wish you would find a way to forgive yourself.

How many years ago was this? I am sorry I have so many questions...I can see how bad you feel....is there a way to get in touch with them?

Sober of course...even if you ever drank again...you have come to a point in your life that this is really bothering you and pulling you down when you need to be lifted up. Seems you need to either write a letter to the Mom and child (depending on age)...and explain that the way you parted has saddened you and you wanted to let them know that you have realized how sick you were at the time and how much danger you feel you put the child in and how you wish you could take it back...but you can't and you are sorry for that.

I hope you bump into them too...speak from your heart....nothing to do with AA...just get rid of this burden for yourself...