hey t. i wish i could know what is going to happen. i realize we might decide together that the trust between us has been irretrievably broken. i will need to be prepared for that. part of me cannot fathom it. part of me wants to believe that we can repair this. but part of me is afraid we can't, knows it's over. i don't know which part is right. maybe i should just stop thinking/worrying about it and when wednesday evening gets here and I'm pulling in your driveway just take a deep breath and go in and speak from my heart and at least i will still have all of the progress i made with you, and i will know that at least we tried to mend things. i love you, you know. i'm so sorry that i said i hate you.