There have been times in my life when I literally knew I would destroy myself if I had a lot of money. I would have engaged in a lot of self-destructive behavior. And I would have used the money to try to get some petty payback. In the past I fantasized about hiring someone to make someone else's life miserable. I thought about making making sure the other had a bad day. Say, by just having my someone get in verbal fights with the other. And/or I've fantasized about hiring private investigators to dig up any dirt I could find. <-- but I regret those thoughts. That isn't my true self. I've never even tried to do anything of the sort with what little power I do have. Never even tried to find out the latest gossip about people I am in conflict with.

I'm trying to convince myself that I'm in a better place now, and that I would be okay if I started making a lot of money. Not many of my family members have much money, and I'd enjoy helping them as much as I could, without making them dependent on me. If there was enough money, maybe it would be best to just give everyone in my immediate family a salary. If I had a lot of money, I can think of things I could do anonymously in my own community to make it a better place.

I'd use the money I had to be a little more reclusive... to get out of the limelight as much as possible, and just enjoy doing good things without making a big deal of it.

What about you? Would you be okay with a lot of money, or would you engage in self-destructive behavior, and/or use the money to do things that you'd later regret?