You don't have to read this. It's just a rant. About motivation, independence, and clothing. I mean, just look at how long it is, anyway! No, I don't mean to push you away. I just don't want anyone to feel like they're obligated to support me. I just wanted to publish how I feel.

It's 12:49 AM. I'm not feeling very productive at all this week. Cyber School is way better for me than public school, but I can't deny it makes it easier to procrastinate. I don't have much schoolwork to do this week, but the little that must be done is hardly worth my time.

Today has been a busy day for me. I went with my mom on her errands. I wore my tighter-fitting purple hoodie. It doesn't provide as much warmth as my oversized grey-and-black striped one does, but at least I don't get funny looks from old people. I guess wearing that makes me look shady, or maybe it just doesn't show my shape well enough. It doesn't help that I'm out in the daytime. Maybe they think I'm a dropout. Maybe they think I'm pregnant or delinquent or using.

Anyway, people are much kinder to me when I'm dressed in my cute little hoodie and light pink tee-shirt. My nails are painted hot pink. I even wore a little lip gloss today (mainly because I tried some of my mom's on, and I couldn't get the darn stuff off).

I helped run errands. At 15, I'm kind of stuck in this dependence on everyone else, but at least going to Pet Supplies Plus with my mom's 20 dollar bill makes me feel like I can make some decisions in my life. I was frugal in my purchases, as I always am, buying two scoops of cheap guinea pig food, a bag of rat food, and some NutraPuffs that they all could eat. My total was 11 dollars.

I bought some clothes today, with my own money. My mom gave me a ten-dollars-off coupon. I checked the clearance rack and decided to buy a grey, long-sleeved tee shirt priced at $10.98. It turned out the shirt only came to a little over eight dollars, so I was able to buy a purple collared tee shirt, too. Total came to only $7.59 with the coupon. I didn't have to break my 50.

I want to see my friends. Tomorrow I'm going to the mall with one, then the band concert that I'm not allowed to be in starts at seven, so hopefully I'll be able to see most of them tomorrow.

I'm guessing not much schoolwork will be done until early Thursday. I hope I'm more ambitious by then.

Right now, I'm working on writing a story about a semi-futuristic United States when minors as young as 14 can be emancipated from their families. (Yeah, not much symbolism there...) It's coming along pretty well. I've constructed my characters. They're based on me and my friends, tweaked dramatically, of course, to make the story interesting. The characters decide to move in together, and the story is about what dramas would arise from being young and independent.

I wish I didn't have to do science. I'm pursuing algebra, but the rest of my schoolwork is just being done. I feel like I wouldn't miss much if I could quit school now. I took my PSATs. I scored higher than 99% of juniors in reading and writing, higher than 71% on math. Not too bad, right?

I'm struggling with motivation. I hope I get through it.