@Fharraige I know that being cool and either not respond or respond in a calm state and is a behavior of a wise man. But my problem with this is that it puts you in a vulnerable place because later I will have that feeling that will bother me. I would get thoughts that my behavior looked weak to other people who saw me that way and they will have a notion of me being a weak. I would think how others would respond. I somehow feel that if I responded in defensive manner I would come out "victorious" and not only think about it anymore but people would respect me.

Sometimes I find that comparison helps a bit. I mean, I know there are people with worse problems in life and they would wish they would have mine problems. And while I understand that I still find it very hard to just forget about situation without rehashing and analyzing it. It's only after that later that I find peace of mind and slowly forget about it...

@treevoice I wonder what you and others who responded to this post share in common because we seem to have similar if not same problem... We that gift of not being reactive as if we somehow lived already through all the situations where we were reactive and learned based on exprience and gained wisdom, understanding that polite and calm response is the way.

@justafriend306 So rehashing is what it's called in psychology? I somehow think that should I have responded in an offensive or at least defensive manner, I would be free of thoughts that would make me recall and analyze situation and it would not spoil my mood for the day, leaving a sense of self-respect and self-worth because I did not let some dirtbag to spill their negativity on me...

You mention that you reconsider what transpired through the others' points of view, how they responded etc. That while being in a situation or after that situation when you rehash what happened? I understood that you do that while in a situation but I am unclear how you can do that in such a short amout of time, let along being in a "fight or flight" condition.

Actually you mentioned email so I understand it is all done after conflict. In my case I describe occassional situation in a public area where a random dirbag Joe Doe yells and spill their negativity on you. There is no afterward contact or email communication.