Our relationship is so complicated. I'll try to keep it short. I dont know what to do or how to act around her anymore.

Of course she loves me, of course she worries about me, of course she looks for cues to understand what im thinking, feeling, doing. I get that. But i cant help feeling studied, analyzed, smothered by her. It annoys me more than i can say, so i snap at her and i'm mean with her. And i feel SO guilty about it. She is so nice, kind and gentle with me, she would deserve so much more. I feel horribly, a monster. I Iove her, i really do, but whatever she does and says annoys me, i cant help it. And the more i isolate myself and keep the distance from her, the more she feels hurt, rejected, worried and so on. But i cant fake it. I cant pretend. I cant be me, there are things i dont want her to know or even guess. There are things i dont want to talk about with her. And i'm afraid she'll get them anyway, so i need to stay apart but it annoys her, worries her, and makes me feel trapped twice.

I wont talk about this with her. I wont open up with her. So how do i solve this? I really need some help here... Living like this every day, fighting an invisibile fight with her each and every day is hell. I really dont want to hurt her but these feelings and thoughts wont give me peace.

Any comment will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.