If I'm begging and pleading with her to understand (or at least I feel like it), reassuring her that I do care about her and that telling her "my needs" isn't pointing fingers or an indictment on her capabilities, am I just doing what I usually do...imploring women to understand me? Looping behavior?

I felt traumatized all over again. My attachment figure didn't care, she didn't see me upset and on the verge of tears and all I could think was, "If I can get out of here, if I can get away from her w/o her seeing me upset, I can get to my car and I'll be safe." I almost nearly blocked her out right after and ended therapy. It was too much. I don't think she meant to do it (like an intentional triggering kinda thing)...but I'm unsure.

Then there's the avoidant crap. She told me she's felt I've been looking for a reason to run since all of this began. Am I?

It's so dang muddled and messy...