What's catharsis? What's healing?

If I have a tendency to try to win the love of a woman, for instance my mother (when I was a kid), by getting good grades, helping around the house, etc. but it never seems like it's enough, that when she accuses me of not doing enough, I beg and plead to see what have I done...but I can't because she's emotionally unavailable...

Isn't it just repeating the pattern? Trying to be a good client, bringing my therapist things (like food; cupcakes, acai bowls, etc.), being proactive in my therapy, that when she accuses me of not wanting to succeed, I'm begging and pleading with her?

Shouldn't I just realize I can't make her see my side, that I'm a good person, and I don't need her to necessarily agree with me for me to be whole? That I'm human, I'll make mistakes, but that I'm worthy of care and support?

Me confused!!