Yes. To all of this.

There's a huge potential for these situations to be a total mindf**k. You're bringing your issues with you to the relationship (as you should, since it's therapy). Your T is distant and unaccepting. She can't see things from your point of view, and she's blaming your issues for all the problems in the relationship. You think, "Hmm. This seems familiar and comfortable. Maybe I can make it different this time." But the problem is that it isn't different at all. Your T is helping you re-enact old relationship patterns. She's going along with it, and then she's blaming you for getting the same thing you always get, when really the T is supposed to be the one who refuses to get sucked in so she can guide you toward seeing what a healthy relationship looks like.

It's another red flag that your T is needing validation from you (and accepting gifts in this situation seems weird to me too). She should be getting support from other people in her life, not her clients. One time I said some pretty harsh things to my T when I was upset (including that I didn't think she could help me), and she didn't take it personally. I apologized later because I realized what I said wasn't true, but I didn't feel like she thought an apology was necessary. We could have easily repaired the relationship without it. All she wants is for me to be myself, even when that gets messy.

Do you think that the shame and the blame from your T are helpful to you? It seems like you are stuck spending a lot of time wondering what is going wrong and what you can do to make it right. Your needs and your potential for growth are getting lost while you wonder how you can coerce your T into helping you.

ETA: You might be interested in the concept of repetition compulsion.