I think I'm finally coming to my senses. I need hospital. I am not safe and I haven't been safe for weeks.

My plan is to drop out of the program, return home, and seek inpatient treatment with a team that I know very well.

I feel terrible, but this is the right decision. I only hope I can make it to hospital in time before I do something stupid. County hospital here is NOT an option. It'll only make things worse (based on experience).