Thank You for the replies. It helps to know I can reach out here if nothing else.

I often wonder if I am in an abusive relationship. He tends to talk me out of my feelings so well that I often don't even know how I'm feeling or lose that sense of urgency to leave after we speak.

For example, I left earlier this year, he was distraught and made so many promises to change. Since then, he hasn't been outright nasty to me like he used to be. He just acts like I'm a ghost recently. He doesn't speak to me, or ask me my opinions or how I am. He just goes about life almost pretending I'm not there. When I tell him how I feel, he walks away and states he refuses to argue with me, when in fact I just want to explain how unhappy I am in this situation.

It leaves me feeling confused, like maybe I'm overreacting and the only reason he used to be nasty towards me is because we were in a stressful situation.

Basically, I wonder if we are just in a bad relationship and not an abusive one. If that makes any sense...

For example. He started a job being paid under the table after I told him that I was tired of paying everything by myself and him refusing to even take care of the kids while I was at work so I had to pay out for daycare on top of everything else. I asked for money towards bills and the kids clothes and food... and he gave me 30 bucks. Told me that's all he got. 3 days later he took one of our children fishing and camping and I find out from my sister that he had spent all of our money on a boat.
When he got back, I told him how upset I was that he had spent all of the money when our electricity desperately needed to be paid. He said that if I got upset he would call the police on me because he was sick of looking like the bad guy.
Not wanting to argue in front of the kids, I had to drop it and get on with life.

It's constant things like This, lying, spending all our money, not working, not wanting to look after the kids, not wanting to do anything that is inconvenient to him.

Because he's not hitting me anymore or doing anything 'illegal' ... is it even okay for me to call victim services? I feel like a fake..