guys i am so disappointed in myself.

i told my therapist but i waited until near end of session. we didn't get to talk about it much but he did hug me and assured me "it is completely ok to touch me"

and then he said he would be willing to work with me on "safe touch" stuff in session because he thinks i can get through this

but i wish we had more time, i have so much more of this anguish built in me

i almost broke down crying and i had to tell him, i was not repulsed by him and its not him, i just feel this way about everything. i felt so bad. i really did.