Day 2 & 3:

Overall things are moving in the right direction but I'm already getting impatient with the process.

At the end of "day 1" I managed to drink just enough so I could get some sleep. I slept 5 hours and felt pretty decent. Work went well on day 2 (yesterday) and I felt pretty good after that so I decided to work some more (I do Postmates on the side). I also decided to go to an ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting. I went to one 3 years ago and felt it was a valuable experience but never went back. So I went to the meeting and it was definitely good for me to go. After the meeting I decided to work a couple more hours. By the end of the day I realized I definitely overdid it. I was totally drained emotionally.

Last night I managed to drink less than the previous night (according to plan) but I don't feel as good as I did yesterday (even though I got more sleep). I don't know if it's because I pushed myself so hard yesterday? Or maybe I didn't eat enough yesterday? Anyway, I'm feeling rather impatient with the process today. I may try to expedite the tapering tonight. I want to feel better NOW dammit!!!

In other news, I heard back from 2 of the 3 friends I emailed. They were both very concerned and wanting to meet with me right away. I told them I was going to spend the evening at an ACA meeting. Partly because I think the ACA meetings are more important for me right now and partly because I'm embarrassed/ashamed to see them. Also, I've decided to take a break from communication with my ex girlfriend. I don't have the emotional bandwidth for that right now. Lastly, I'm concerned about the friend that didn't respond to my email. I had emailed this friend a couple weeks ago and he hadn't responded to that either. I'm not sure if he's mad (because he loaned me money 3 weeks ago) or what his deal is because it's weird he hasn't responded (we've been close friends many years).

What else? I'm going to hit another ACA meeting tonight.

And... I read the article titled "4 Effects of a Controlling Upbringing" in the PC email this morning.

Wow, was that ever accurate for me! It really helps me understand some of my behavior. One of the conflicts I had with my ex girlfriend was that I just wanted her to tell me what to do and I would tell her I would do "whatever she wanted". I could see that frustrated her and I didn't understand why. Now it makes sense why I would want that and why that would be upsetting for her. Whatever happens with her in the future I'm going to try and appreciate how our relationship was a growing experience for me and that we'll be together again if we're meant to be...