Things have been kind of frantic, really disorganized and chaotic lately. It's all settling out.

But today I'm really really sad and... distraught maybe?

I had a roommate situation I've gotten worked out. I'm ok there. We are both getting something from each other we need right now and it's ok. She has a comfortable place to live and my house is taken care of.

I'm slowly working on my bills and stuff. Credit cards and getting stuff paid off.

A year into a new company and things are going good.

I got hurt a month ago, sprained my ankle and it's healed, but got sick a week ago and ended up finding out I have colitis (do not know what kind yet) and a gallstone which I may have to get my gallbladder removed for.

And I haven't really dated in a long time, guys at work found out (we all figure things out) about the roommate situation and they all think I'm gay.

I am just really having a hard time fitting in. Anywhere. I'm trying to figure out counseling but damn. 75-100$ a session$. I just paid off some medical stuff, all this being sick is going to be some medical stuff I'm going to have to pay off, and I'm going to add more on top of it?

Nooooooo. Noooooo. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. Why can't I just have a friend I can just vent to? No one wants to just be a friend anymore and just listen to me ***** and me do the same to I can get my frustrations out of my head.

Damn. In therapy I hear "get it out". But where? How?

I'm a mess so no one wants anything to do with me. If I go to therapy, there goes a bill I can't pay so I worry about that so what food was therapy that week? Another year or so, I'll have something's paid off and I can afford it. But right now I'm not letting my credit suffer to smile.

Wtf happened to people? Friends? Life? When did crap get so damned "gotta walk on eggshells so I do offend this person or that person?"

I just want to scream, but oh no! That's a violent outburst and I might get locked in a mental ward!

No wonder we all go nuts. It's take a pill and be quiet little one. It will be ok. Someone will be with you shortly.

Someone just freaking talk to me. Pay me some damned attention.

Hug me. Talk to me. Beat me. Something.