A separation is never going to be easy, and you know that at this stage of the game, there is a lot of sorting out to do and a lot of angry/hurt/upset emotions will come through at this stage of the marriage. Past mistakes, things that could have been done differently - they all bubble up to the surface.

It's easy for people to point out other's mistakes, but less easy to listen to or accept when it's thrown back at them.

Your conversations at the moment are likely to run around in circles with he did / she did scenarios.

Perhaps you need a bit of a break and to then after a short while, choose times where you two can discuss things in a more open manner that doesn't continue to hurt one another. A good place could be at a restaurant where there can be no yelling or abruptly leaving and walking away (I hope). And lay the cards on the table.

But rather than make it about "actions", you should be discussing feelings. "I've been really hurt in the past when...."

And then you would have to make a conscious decision that after the conversation, you two have to put it behind you in order to move on. Start a clean slate with no resentments, no bringing up the past, no grudges.

I've probably said too much in this post and set the bar too high on what should happen in this situation.