I don't know if I crash differently, exactly. It's more like I lose any ability to cope when I crash. Like the caffeine and the effort of maintaining composure has left me without energy to fight.

September, it's true that Cyrano never overcame his nose. His insecurities did rob him of anything he really wanted. But I'm hoping to create more of a Hollywood ending for my version. This would ruin the story of Cyrano but when it's your story, you really do want a happy ending.

I have myself so messed up on caffeine, work, etc. that I can't tell if I'm depressed anymore. I think the knife twisting in my back is more like my old friend anxiety. I currently have no plans to slow down and reflect on the feeling so clarification is unlikely.

I can't believe how many people have been posting here, sending me messages, etc. I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am without you.

Thank you.

Cyran0