I am so sorry splitimage. I have known of several people who relapsed and died rather quickly. Even not knowing them well, it is a shock. It always makes me wonder, was there something that we could have seen but missed? Could it have been prevented?

And then I remind myself, the times I relapsed, nothing anyone would have said would have changed my mind once I had decided to drink or use. As much as I know it hurts those around me, I hide the fact that I'm struggling most of the time, because I don't want to burden them. I don't want to worry them.

I tell myself, I've relapsed so many times and made it back, this time won't be any different. But we never know. When I drink or use, I get suicidal. But then I drink or use because I'm suicidal. It's Russian roulette. This time won't be different, it's just an excuse, giving myself permission.

Every time we use, the chance of death us there, and it takes situations like your friend to serve as a reminder for those of us still here why we keep fighting, every day, one day at a time. When the idgaf switch get flipped, we have to speak up. When I dgaf, I need otther sober to gaf for me.