dear jellyfish18, have you visited the Childhood Emotional Neglect forum here on pc? https://forums.psychcentral.com/chil...ional-neglect/
your parents never showed you love and care so no wonder you don't have a guide as to how to connect positively with others. it makes perfect sense to me. although my case is not as severe as yours, i was emotionally neglected too and used to be so uncomfortable in my own skin and had low self esteem. i never knew how to talk to people face to face. (for some reason i was ok on the phone) but the forum helped to validate my experience and that has changed my life for the better. wishing you the same.