Duchess: I talked about feeling I couldn't discuss things that I was feeling inside because I didn't want her to get upset at me for still feeling that way. She was very gentle and she said she wouldn't. She listened and was gentle. She knows I'm in a bad place but safety is the key. She's concerned but she loves me and we'll get thru this.

She likened how my physical knowledge of getting out of a rip tide and how I can help people do that, and I'm trained to know what to do and assist others in certain circumstances, to her knowledge of her getting out of emotional rip tides. She doesn't know how to physically do it or want to - but she has the knowledge of the emotional so let her help guide me out of the emotional rip tide.

Also talked about how I have so much change to make and trauma to work through. How I decorated my room in Navy, Gold, and Silver, if she walked in and said no this is green, orange, and purple. How would I feel? Because I know that it's the colors I decorated but in actuality I didn't and I have to relearn color. That's just a small example. I basically have to relearn my entire life and existence.

It sucks and I'm not in a good place about it.