When I was 18 I fell into a depression that bounced back and forth from depression to mixed with no stability in between. It lasted for about a year. I was hospitalized 7 times and in partial hospital for all the time I wasn't in inpatient. I drove my boyfriend at the time away with my constant suicidal gestures and self injury. I needed medical intervention for my self injury several times. It culminated in an impulsive suicide attempt about two months after my boyfriend left me. If I hadn't felt guilty and told my mom what I'd done I wouldn't be here today. I spent two days in ICU and three days in medical hospital before I went to the psych ward for seven weeks. There I received ECT for the first time and honestly it saved my life. I was able to go to a women's trauma program after that and focus on the trauma of my childhood finally and get through some tough stuff in therapy.

My symptoms didn't return for six years. I've had some bad episodes since then but nothing as self destructive as that year in my life. I'm still amazed that I made it out alive. I was hell bent on killing myself in some way, be it drinking or self injury.