I've noticed this too. I've known a number of older people who were abused when they were children but think that going through what they did made them tough, yet if you know one of these people close enough, you can tell that they typically are emotionally wounded.

My step father is a prime example. He would brag to people about how his father would beat him with a belt if he did anything wrong and he would be beaten again for crying if he did. Something as simple as not saying "yes sir" or forgetting to take out the trash would earn him a beating. Despite what he went through, he still has a close relationship with his father today. He would always act tough and he would never ask for help for anything. He made reckless financial decisions that could have been avoided if he would have asked for help. He would ramble on about politics and talk about how young people these days need to get beatings by their dads to teach them how to behave. He would talk about how if another world war broke out, the children these days would be too whiny to be able to fight properly and the U.S would collapse and what not. Yet, I could tell how hurt he is.

He struggled to build relationships with women and my emotionally manipulative mother was the only women who accepted him (I wonder why) and he's in his 50s now. After leaving the military, he became a long haul truck driver where he would spend weeks alone on the road. His ultimate goal in life before meeting me and my mother was to save up enough money to where he could sell everything he owned and live by himself on a boat at sea.

I used to have so much anger towards him because he would listen to my mother's lies and attempts to manipulate him and he used to yell at me a lot, but I saw a whole new side of him when my mother passed away and I was finally able to get close to him. He admitted to me that he used to cry himself to sleep when he was trucking because he was so lonely and he would talk about how he had to sell his guns because he was afraid that he would use them on himself.

When he lost his job due to his declining health, he had these delusions about this women from his past who lives all the way in Paris and owns a clothing store flying over to the US to be with him. He would drive places and appear to be talking to somebody and when I pointed out that nobody was there he would frantically search claiming she ran off. He claimed that there was a limo one time parked outside of the house and he would talk about how he's leaving the country to live with her and get married and what not. You must truly be lonely to have an experience like that and not much phases me emotionally anymore but when I think about how much my mother has had him messed up and how much he craves a woman's love, I want to cry.

Getting to know that side of him caused me to become more open minded and empathetic towards people who have gone through hell in their life.