After 20 years of marriage, I'm getting a divorce. I'll be glad to no longer be married to my husband, but I am kind of sad that this means my relationships with my in-laws will also end. We have spent every Christmas with his family, and I enjoy these get togethers, especially with his brothers and sisters. His parents and I get along pretty well--I wouldn't call us close--but I do feel enriched for having known them. What is the protocol for what to do about these relationships? Once you are divorced, do you cease all contact with the in-laws? I do not live in the same town as any of the siblings or parents.

This Christmas, my husband and kids will be spending the holiday with all his brothers and sisters. I will miss that gathering! I'm considering whether to send a card with him for each of his siblings with a short note wishing them a happy Christmas and telling them I will miss them. Nothing heavy, just a light good wishes and a "I have valued knowing you" sort of message. Do you think that is appropriate? And I thought maybe I would also mail his parents a Christmas card with a similar message. But I'm not sure. I guess one thing that is holding me back is that early in our relationship, the marriage of his brother fell apart, and the ex-wife of course stopped attending the family gatherings. During the split and divorce, the family was so vitriolic towards her. They gossiped about how awful she was (I always thought she was pretty nice!) and how wonderful their son was and how the wife was a bad mom just trying to screw him out of every penny she could get. I hated listening to their venomous talk, and I remember hoping, geez, I sure hope DH and I never get divorced because these people will totally hate me. Now I am in that position. I am wondering if all these people I once got along with are now gossiping about me and saying how awful I am. And if I send them cards, would they laugh and turn them into something negative and hateful? These are good people but were so strongly invested in supporting their brother way back when, that they eagerly trashed his wife. Now it is my turn? I don't know. Should I send the cards?