I think most of us realize our T is doing a job, but since they are human, they don't necessarily get paid for every minute or episode of work (except lawyers). My T once mentioned that he doesn't get paid for emails. I don't email him often, but told him that the rest of us don't get paid for having to email outside of work hours either. He got real quiet...

I've never been in that situation but imagine I'd feel he only went with me because he was obligated, not that he wanted to. So I would talk about it. From what you say, it seems like you would have a hard time being able to hold back. Maybe you should uncancel?

Really sorry about your struggles. I hope you are doing better.