I'm a nurse too, although I'm technically retired due to disability. Being mentally ill in our profession entails a lot of hiding and faking it because medical people tend to be very judgmental. I don't know why; we should extend our compassion for our patients to one another.

Sorry to say, but I don't think you should compare your patients' experiences to your own. It doesn't matter that they seem so much "sicker" than you. You need to stick to a medication schedule and go to therapy. That and healthy lifestyle habits are critical to your well-being. Go see your pnurse ASAP and get back into compliance with meds. In other words, "Nurse, heal thyself". Hugs.